piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
