We won't sleep together?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just forgot I was standing up.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
