So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
