I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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