I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
