and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
worst night to have a conscience
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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