I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
