i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
