Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
