I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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