the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
