You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
