I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
