i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
