I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
