I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
