bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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