I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
