i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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