I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
