I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
