Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he puts the penis in happiness.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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