Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
