Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
