Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm jealous of your bromance
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
