I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
