I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize