i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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