I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
