the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
