living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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