Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
