Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You need a sexual gate keeper
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
