We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
