If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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