were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
