She is in my trunk
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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