She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
