STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
