somebody snuck up and got me drunk
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
