Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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