he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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