I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
