Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
