hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
