i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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