He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
