my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He passed out mid-signature
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
