So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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