So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize