the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
MIDGETS
????
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize