Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
