Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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