I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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