I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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