direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Drake has all the answers
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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