Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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