If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
