Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this will be a night to untag.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
