I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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