I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
