Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
