Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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