when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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