Umm I'm too high to move.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
