I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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