You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
