Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You may now shotgun with the bride
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
