You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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