it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
