Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
