Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
