you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
