I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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