I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
