I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There r osticjed everywhere
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't deserve a penis
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
