there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
