So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
