your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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