Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
