Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Semen is not good for contacts.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
