remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
