R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
