Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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