Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
