Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
