i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
