do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
