He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
