Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
