my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
there is glitter all over my balls
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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