I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
