you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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