Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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