Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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