nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize