At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
