Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
