I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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