i think my tv is drunk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
