He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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