also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
