Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
