need another drink. this is the easiest way
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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