I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just forgot I was standing up.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
