One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
