Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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