it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
