thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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