my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
