i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
