do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize