i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
